"Whatever Lola Wants" at 90 years old

On August 15th, my family celebrated our Lola's (grandmother) 90th birthday. Though her birthday is actually in September, the majority of family members (from San Francisco, Chicago, and elsewhere) were able to come in August.

It was a big to-do. There was a section in the Universal Hilton's Cafe Sierra reserved for our large family (and it's not even half of them!). My sister was responsible for making about 100 mini cupcakes as party favors. My mom and cousin were working on the program, which included a picture slideshow of my Lola's life. My siblings and I joked that it was almost like someone was getting married!

My sister and I (and one of our nieces) helped to provide some more entertainment for the day with some dances. Interestingly, because my sister learned hula in Los Angeles and joined a troupe there, my family has been privy to the style and culture of hula. Though I've been learning belly dance for about 7 years, most of my learning has been on the East Coast. I think my parents and siblings have seen one video of me dancing at a recital, but the majority of my family has never seen me dance live.

Hey, World: a little clarification...

I realize that I started this blog and combined my Sex Toy Goddess life with my Belly Dance life, and I didn't really think about how that would be taken.

Some people could really misinterpret each as going hand in hand, further confusing the very thick line between belly dance and stripping. That's definitely not what I was going for.

So, I just wanted to clarify things a little bit.

For me, in these years after I finished grad school, ended an 8 1/2 year relationship since high school, and decided to stay in Boston, there's been a lot of growth and renewal for me. There's been a lot of looking inward on myself and opening up about difficult things. There's been a lot of accepting myself.

Initially, I was of the mind that I would just put everything about who I am into one blog. I feel like it's too much work to hide and lie about things. But my boyfriend told me that I might want to separate things that "people might not agree with." So I did. I suppose some of the parents of the kids that I work with in my day job would be very much against me selling sex toys to adults, and some of the parents might also be very much against any mid-drift-showing, glittery belly dancing.

While I am of the mind that censorship only leads to ignorance, I know that this is all to just protect myself from those crazies that would be staunchly against these other parts of me. Now, I feel like this blog is another way for me to be open about who I am.

I feel like belly dancing (if you're doing it right) should be soulful and sensual - because if you're loving the music and your body wants to move and groove with it, then that's not "wrong." I also feel like dancing in general should be a way to get in touch with yourself and express whatever feelings you might be feeling. Though historically, belly dancing wasn't meant to be a spectacle for male on-lookers, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way belly dancing has evolved into an art and an expression that can be shared with everybody. Yes, of course, you still have to watch out for the occasional perv. But luckily, the belly dance community is strong enough that we watch each others backs.

Now, sex. In my heart of hearts, I feel like it's another expression. While in evolutions terms, it's just a method of procreation, I'd like to think that emotions play a part in it. To ignore that you feel sexual is to suppress an innate feeling. But first, you have to enjoy it. And how else are you to enjoy it without learning what pleases you and what doesn't? If our ancestors had to learn which berries were okay to eat by trying each berry and learning from that experience, then it shouldn't be any different in learning what pleases us (even if in the end, it's just so that we WANT to procreate or not). In this respect, you also have to protect yourself - the best way to protect yourself is to educate yourself.

So, in conclusion :) I'm not trying to say that belly dancing and sex necessarily go hand in hand, but that they are forms of self-expression that shouldn't be hidden and censored. I embrace these two sides of me fully, knowing full well that some people might strongly disagree with my lifestyle choices.

To them I say:
Hey, World! I love dancing and I love sex! And I think others should, too!!!

Swaying My Hips Right (Coast) to Left (Coast)

Venice Beach, CA

On Thursday, July 30, 2009, I decided to check out a belly dancing event while I was visiting Los Angeles. Since I feel like I've been able to learn a bit more about the belly dancing community in New England, I was curious to compare it with the Los Angeles belly dancing community.

I found Meryem Vani's Showcase on the LARaqs.com website, which is a fabulous website for any belly dancer beginner or advanced. Teachers, costumes, events - it's all there! If you or someone you know in Los Angeles is looking to dip their toes into the world of raqs sharqi, this is a great website to introduce them to! I was very excited to have found that website.

It became suddenly clear to me that one of the major differences between the LA and New England belly dance communities was the size. Los Angeles, being a ginormous city, has the capacity to hold a variety of talented dancers, workshops, and events within its county lines. While Boston (my East Coast home) also has a wide variety of dancers as well, many of the events and workshops are not as easy to reach. As someone dependent on the T or my bicycle, it costs me not only a workshop fee but also a Zipcar membership. Even my Athena's job is an investment if I need to travel far. Strangely, perhaps because of the concept of the "county lines" or because I have more control over the space, things don't seem as far in LA even though I'm much more dependent on a car.

But the Boston/Greater Boston belly dance community extends to both the Massachusetts and New England communities. I think it's great because of how far reaching the community actually is - extending to multiple states! Coming from Los Angeles, I always thought it was pretty neat that folks in Boston could feel some camaraderie with the entire northeast corner of the country. On the other hand, I definitely enjoyed only traveling a little more than 2 miles to the belly dancing event.

The Showcase was located at the Tsunami Coffeehouse Theater in Silverlake, not too far from where I (my parents) live. Unfortunately, I didn't get to check out the actual coffeehouse before they closed, but I have had my eye on that place for a while! Aside from Perhaps on my next visit home, I will check it out during the day time.

I didn't make it in time for the short workshop that Meryem Vani held, but the women that participated told me all about it. One of them found this event through the LARaqs website as I did, and the other woman told us that she was part of the Bellydance Meetup Group, more specifically the Hollywood-East LA Bellydance Meetup Group. To further illustrate the point I made about the space and size, this one section of LA has currently 182 members. The Boston Bellydance Meetup Group currently has 297 members - but certainly, not everyone's address says "Boston." Craaaazy!

Zahir, who is not only part of Meryem Vani's Troupe Zaghareet but also an entertaining MALE belly dancer, was the MC of the event. He introduced about 7 dancers, including himself and another male belly dancer who's name I can't remember at all. That first male dancer was mesmerizing - balancing a tray of candles on his head and moving so slowly, from the floor to standing up.

Completely forgetting myself at the event, the only other name I could remember was Jennelah. To be perfectly honest, she was my personal favorite, perhaps because she was more my style. She had on a beautiful sparkly costume, and maintained her poise even with a slight technological malfunction of the CD player. Most of the belly dancers and groups were great, ranging from beginners to teachers. It made me feel more comfortable about my own performance level, especially since I felt that I could have a more educated opinion about the dancers.

The one woman who spoke to me earlier about being part of the Meetup Group interestingly had a lot of questions about belly dance, from the costumes to the styles of dance. At first I was shocked - because I always feel like everyone else knows WAAAY more than me. It was a good reminder for me, though, that I do know quite a bit more than I give myself credit.

At the end, there was a group dance, where the performers and audience members all got up to dance. For the first time, I didn't even hesitate getting up to dance with my peers, feeling secure in my own knowledge and body. I managed to convince a friend of mine to join me, and she stated after watching all the performances that she was absolutely intrigued by the dance and wanted to learn some of the moves.

Overall, while it was only one event I attended, I am so glad that I did! I'm not really sure what I expected. I've come across some interesting belly dance experiences in Los Angeles - from a class that felt like the teacher was teaching just to watch herself in the mirror to a store owner/teacher saying that he "doesn't teach housewives." I guess I was nervous that it was going to feel snobby and distant. But everyone was so welcoming!

Near the end of my trip, I wanted to spend one more day at the beach, but I also wanted to return to Boston with a new costume item. I hopped onto LARaqs.com before heading out, and found that the Velvet Gypsy was just along the Venice Beach boardwalk! While many of the items were tourist-friendly, there were some fabulous items that caught my eye. It was great to find a store that was exactly where I needed it to be - reducing the amount of time I would waste in traffic.

The day I move back to LA, I will feel secure in knowing that I can easily find and join the belly dance community. Not that I'm planning on moving back any time soon, necessarily. But I do miss my Los Angeles, and it's nice to feel like I still have a home and can make an updated home there.