Goddess Guidebook - Tentatively Planning 2010

I'll be honest, here. There's been moments when it still feels like 2009 is holding on to dear life. Or perhaps 2010 is trying to prepare me for something even more difficult.

Either way, I'm forging on ahead.  I'm not going to let the difficult times get me down.  I've been able to overcome a lot of difficulties in the past, from going on my own in Boston to my boyfriend and I signing up for unemployment.

Interestingly, what keeps me going is a past memory.  When I first decided to stay in Boston instead of moving back home, it was a devastating moment in my life - one that I'm not ready to re-hash in the interwebs.  I was speaking with my father about my choices. 

He said to me, "You know...whatever you decide, if you come home, stay in Boston, or even if you move to Chicago...your mom and I know that you'll be fine...no matter what..."

Here I am 5 and a half years later, continuing to be fine.

I'm starting to go through different sections of the Guidebook, and completing the sections that feel pertinent to me right now.

Lessons I Want to Learn

Gifts for Myself and Things I Want to Release

 

My 1 Big Travel Plan

It's interesting, really, the whole idea of making plans.  Generally speaking, I'm the planner.  I'm good with the little details for big things.

But with this Guidebook, I've had to almost take a step back and realize that this is planning for 2010 - an entire 12 months, 365 days.  It's not planning for something that's going to happen in the next week.  While I do have some general dates, I'm trying not to stress over rushing through my plans.

Kind of refreshing, really.

Finally, I'd like to introduce my Word for the Year.  While I haven't produced a collage or any artwork yet, I'm planning on documenting my word and building on it.

MOVEMENT

I plan on using this word to encourage me to exercise, do more pilates, do more yoga, do more bicycling, do more walking, do more parties, do more visiting old and new places, do more dancing around my living room, do more belly dance in more places.

Here's to moving on.

Goddess Guidebook: Final Words for 2009

Goddess...it took me a while to get enough gumption to close out 2009.

I know I was holding on to a lot of the negative feelings that were associated with last year.  But the last two pages of the 2009 section really helped me see 2009 for all that it was.

Before I share the last two sections I've worked on, I wanted to explain (mainly for myself) why it took so long for me to get to this point.

2009 had a lot of ups and downs, lots of changes, huge confessions, sarcophagi flies, and new lives.

Truly, a lot to process.  A lot of the negatives were so heavy, they linger longer in my thoughts.  But the little positives were also there, just cloaked behind heavy fabrics.

All my gratefulness on 2 pages

For our holiday card this year, my boyfriend and I celebrated all the experiences that 2009 brought to us.  It was almost like I knew I needed to be able to reflect on this as a constant reminder of all the amazing things that happened last year.  Putting them together in a collage really helped to put 2009 into perspective even before I realized it needed to be put there.

My Final Words

As stated in my letter, I'm hoping that I can still continue to process all that was handed to/dropped on me, and that I can continue to learn from those experiences as well.

Now, 2010, I think I'm finally ready for the adventures you'll bring.  Can you hold my hand first?  Just for a couple of steps until I find my footing?  Thank you.

Close to Closing Out 2009

Though I printed out the Goddess Guidebook about two days ago, it took me a while to finally get started.

I took little steps here and there.  My first decision was to print out the Guidebook small enough that it would be portable if I needed it to be.  Then I decided to use a journal I've had in my possession instead of buying a whole separate binder.

The Way of the World - v.2010

It's kind of neat to go back to journaling as blogging is a totally different feeling altogether.  It's like analog vs. digital.  I had to dig out my glue stick!  Though, I'm excited to be able to use my coloring pencils and crayons!

Here are my guidelines for my guidebook:

• I want to be able to dedicate this one book for the Goddess Guidebook, so I placed all the pages within the book to "save a space" for each section.
• I won't glue the pages to the book until I'm ready to use/work on the guidebook page.
• I need to give myself time to work on each page.  I get too excited and want to finish it right away!  But I need to really take my time on this one.
  

A Guidebook Within a Journal Within a Book

So, I feel that I need to complete all the 2009 pages before I can do anything else.  Obviously, that's a restriction I'm placing on myself.  Perhaps it says something about what I was going through last year.

I realized that I spent a lot of the latter half of 2009 trying really hard to stay positive.  Trying.  I think I did a fairly good job at it.  But in the end, it was really exhausting.  I remember specific instances where everything suddenly glazed over because the situation was just hard for my mind to wrap around.  Exhausting.

Though I guess I can't say for sure, it almost feels like the beginning part might be the best part for me.  Cathartic, perhaps. 

So long, farewell

Proud of myself...Releasing the past...

Good times...good times...

I feel like it took a lot of brain power to do these first three pages.  So much so that I think I need to sleep and meditate on it a bit....