Euphemisms

My boyfriend has taken to telling people that I sell "marital aids."

For some reason, that euphemism makes me cringe.

At first, he used it to explain my Goddess job to his family.  Now he just does it to mess with me.

For one thing, I feel like it just sounds gross for some reason.  Maybe it's the fact that it's a euphemism makes me feel that I'm being sneaky.  Then, there's the implications.

Let's break it down, shall we?

Calling them "marital aids" implies that ONLY heterosexual married couple can purchase and use them.  What a way to pigeonhole the product!!!  You can't even just be committed...you have to be in a legal union.

When I Googled "marital aids," the first site listed implicitly says "If you are 18 years of age or older AND married, please enter. Browse the many selections for both you and your marriage covenant lover."

I almost wasn't sure if they were going to ask for a marriage certificate.  The website focuses on the fact that romance is only allowed if Christ is part of the marriage, and they even offer a complete package of goodies that includes "Intimate Bible Studies."  Oh, my!
 
Interestingly, this just doesn't seem the case with me.  I don't often do co-ed parties, and usually the co-ed parties aren't just for couples.

For the most part, people assume that I'm out to replace a partner.  I often explain that I'm not out to replace anybody, but that we're enhancing the situation.  How will you know how to please your partner if your partner doesn't even know how to please themselves?

So, I'm done ranting now.  I've also convinced my boyfriend to us "adult toy" instead.

"My name is Cecilia, and I'll be your Goddess this evening."

Names have power.

Naming things has power - for better or for worse.

Names can be changed in order to remove or increase power.

Names are identity.

I personally love my name, in all its Filipino-ness, individuality, Simon & Garfunkel ode-inspired, and significance.

I've often thought about my name and how it relates to my persona.  As I'm living a daytime life and a nighttime life, I know I can separate the two as not everyone knows about my belly dancing or my "night job."  But the one thing I feel that I can't separate is my name.

In belly dance, it seems that most dancers have a stage name.  Shira provides a great article about the process of deciding and finding a name.  Though I know it's not a necessity, there is a lure in creating a whole new personality just by changing my name.  The idea of being able to throw away all your cares and dance the night away is quite attractive.

Yet, I find it hard to give myself a name without giving the rest of me the cold shoulder.

So, I have considered a couple of names, most of which obviously has some significance to mermaids.  Serena, the Spanish and Filipino word for "mermaid."  Jullanar or Dyullanar, a mermaid that shows up in Thousand and One Nights, with the second version in the Filipino way of spelling it.  Dyesebel, the name of a Filipino mermaid, popularized by written stories and film.

Dyesebel as a tv show in the Philippines...must...watch.....

But...I also really like my own name.  I don't know if I feel that I'm being dishonest about who I am if I take on another personality?  Maybe it's that I feel like it would become just another thing for me to carry?  Maybe I feel that if I'm going to learn as much as I can about Middle Eastern dance, that I need to go into it fully by giving myself fully, and that includes my name?

*shrug*

I don't know.  But for now, as I'm not a professional dancer, I'm satisfied using my own name.

In my Athena's business, one that would require me to separate my night life with my day life, I proudly use my own name.  Again, I feel like I can't create a whole different persona to match this other part of my life.  It's almost exhausting just thinking about having to create a different persona.

Though, clearly, I would try to be careful about whom and what I talk about my night job, I still feel like who I am as a Goddess vs. who I am as a social worker needs to be compatible in order for me to even exist.  With all my quirks, all my sillyness, and all my passion for helping you find your inner Goddess, what you see is what you get.

More recently, a new acquaintance told me that she was joining Passion Parties.  Now, I don't know much about that company other than that they're based in San Francisco.  At first, I was pretty bummed that I didn't have the opportunity to recruit this person.  But, then I was really excited that someone was joining the team of women (in all the different companies) that try to bring others passions out.

Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Athena's.  The fact that this business fell into my lap was clearly fate.  Starting with even the name of the company, highlighting the Greek Goddess of Wisdom as opposed to the Goddess of Love, I knew that I would be very comfortable.  The geek in me that loves Greek myths absolutely perked up. 

Then, there's the mission of the organization:

Our Mission: To empower women down the path of sexual education in the safe, comfortable environment of their own homes by offering only the highest quality products presented by a trained Athena's Goddess.

Right up my alley.  Ever since I became sexually active, I've strongly believed that one should be educated about sex before engaging in it.  In my 3 years of being a Goddess, the hardest part for me has been meeting girls who have engaged in sex not fully knowing their bodies or what pleases them.  I'm not asking for folks to take an anatomy class or to study up on sex before getting into it.  But even just to get to know your own body...it's something.

Goddess

I take the role of Goddess quite seriously.  I wear my Goddess pin proudly.  I did not hesitate tacking that onto my name and persona.  While it's still an addition to my name, it doesn't feel like a further extension of who I am, or another thing to carry.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been juggling all my roles.  I think that holding onto my name as an integral part of all the things I engage in will help keep me grounded and rooted.  As I mentioned in the beginning, names have power...I think I'd like to keep both.